Frustrated!

For the past two months of my pregnancy, I've been so sick. Not sick, like morning sickness, but just sick to my stomach ALL DAY. This is the hardest pregnancy I've had. Last month all I could eat was red meat. It was so disgusting. I had to eat steak, hamburger and spam all day. If I didn't do that, I got so weak, that I had to stay in bed all day. At first this wasn't easy. It took me a couple of weeks to figure out that all my baby wanted was meat. I felt like Bella from Twilight. Where her baby only wanted blood. That is basically what I was smelling when I ate the red meat. Now the smell of the blood makes me sick and I can only eat chicken. Oh, this is so frustrating for me! I kind of wish that I just had morning sickness and then be good for the rest of the day, because trying to figure out what my baby needs is so confusing and I'm left either weak in bed or nauseated all day. I'm going on twelve weeks and it seems that this confusion is going to last my whole pregnancy. Not to mention the enormous weight gain I've had. I think I've gained at least 10-15 pounds in two months. I can eat 3 cheeseburgers in one sitting and then 10 minutes later, my stomach will be growling for more. If I don't eat something, I get so weak I have to be in bed. FRUSTRATION and CONFUSION are all I've been feeling these past two months and I hate it. I know that after I have this baby I will most likely be around 250lbs. I wasn't super skinny to start with and at the rate I'm eating I won't be for a looooong time. Uggghhh being sick sucks! I just needed to vent. Pray for me please that this too shall pass...lol!!

Another year older!

Another year older and wiser! I am 33 years old today. Can you believe that? Wait can I believe that? I am always excited for my birthday, not because I get any special treatment, but because I feel special on that day. I ask myself, does my mom remember how she felt when I was born, what did I do this year to earn another year of life, am I contributing to my society, church, family and friends? What can I do better this next year. I look at a year from my birthday to the next, not "New Years." I also make my goals according to birthday. Have you ever wondered about your birthday or is it just me? I'm going to try something new this year. I'm going to list 33 things that I am thankful for and/or wish to accomplish this year...here I go...

1. The Lords hands in all I do
2. My husband Solomon for his love and support
3. My goal is to love and appreciate my husband more
4. My mom for bringing me into a wonderful family
5. My dad for always being so supportive
6. My goal is to spend more quality time with my parents and to be there for them.
7. My daughter Serena for her example
8. My daughter Jasmine for her zest for life
9. My son Junior for the fight he has in him living with girls...lol
10. My daughter Ebony for her independence
11. My daughter Gabriella for her confidence
12. My unborn child for his/her choice to be with me
13. My goal is to be a better homemaker to my children and to teach them well
14. The calling which I hold so dear to my heart
15. The young woman in my ward who just need to be loved and listened too
16. My goal is to really be there for my young woman in mind, body and spirit
17. The wonderful presidency I work with
18. My goal is to be a better counselor to them and to uphold my calling
19. My sister Sulieta for her free spirit
20. My brother Ifalame Jr for his unselfish giving
21. My sister Dianna for her wonderful sense of humor
21. My brother Toa for his sensitive heart
22. My sister Julina for her go-getter attitude
23. My brother Mykel for his great example of a father
24. My goal is to be more supportive to my siblings and to be more open to change
25. All of my nieces and nephews for the unconditional love and respect they give me
26. My goal is to be more laid back with them this summer and just have fun
27. My bishopric for the support they have given my family and the prayers as well
28. My goal is to be a full tithe payer and to return to the temple soon
29. My body for withstanding so many years of abuse and still be strong
30. My goal for this birthday year is to take care of me "Just do it!"
31. The home I live in, the car I drive and the things that make life easier
32. My goal is to take pride in what I have so that it can last for many years
33. My membership in the greatest, truest church on earth, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! For this my life has purpose!

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear Marcia. Happy birthday to me!! Here's to another year! Thank you for the blessing! Thank you.

"You is kind, you is smart, you is important."

I LOVE the movie The Help! I want to buy it for myself when I get some extra cash...lol. But this movie has made me realize how blessed I am to be living during this generation. I feel that the Lord put certain people on this earth at certain times due to their strengths and personalities. I often wonder if polynesians or mexicans were put through the kind of racism that the african/black americans were put through, would there still be an America. We have really bad tempers and I don't think we would be able to follow the laws of the land at that time like black people did, honestly.
I've been thinking a lot about this movie because I teach all the young woman next month. And being that it is the month of "LOVE" I wanted to find something that not only related to love, but to loving themselves. We as woman tend to judge ourselves and eachother negatively. Society tells us that its what men want, but the truth is, it's what woman "think" that men want. I want to teach my young woman not to worry or care about what others feel or think about them, but to say to themselves daily, "You are kind, you are smart, you are important." Repetition is key. If you continually tell yourself that you are ugly and fat, then you start to believe that that is what you are. But if you tell yourself the opposite, you are beautiful and healthy then that is what you will be.
I pray that my young woman learn from what I teach and that I will have the spirit with me to be able to reach them. It's interesting because I feel that every time I teach a lesson, its something that I need to learn from. I'm grateful for the power of prayer and for the Lords answers in His due time.

Why she is my oldest.

I've been pretty sick these past couple weeks with this pregnancy and it's completely different than my other pregnancies. I can't figure out what I want to eat and when I think I might like something, my body doesn't accept it. I have been throwing up, gagging, starving and having major headaches due to all this confusion that my body is going through. I continually tell myself, " I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." Because, hello, I have 5 children I do know its worth it, but that still doesn't make the sickness go away.
This past weekend has been especially hard for me. I found nits in one of my girls hair and then paranoia hit and I had to shampoo every one's hair and had Sol take all the bedding to the laundry mat to get them cleaned. Then I sat for 7 hours and picked every nit and/or dandruff out of all 4 of my daughters hair. I was starving, uncomfortable, sick to my stomach from the rush of things and just plain exhausted when it was all done. I literally started throwing up afterwards and couldn't even stand. I know it was my fault for not taking breaks between each of my daughters, but if you know me, once I start something, I can't stop. My body let me know immediately when I did stop that it wasn't happy with me.
I can't say enough about my husband. He was such a trooper. He took all the bedding and cleaned it with my son. ( who hated the whole day because all we had to do was cut his hair and then he had to be the slave...lol) Sol then came home and helped me pick out nits, cooked dinner, cleaned the house and then went to the kids basketball game. My body wouldn't take the chicken he cooked, so he then went out and got me pizza. (Crazy I know because soy chicken is my favorite and I can't eat chicken with this baby) He was such a sweetheart and didn't complain once. Well I actually said to him, "you did this to me," when I was crying that I was hungry. LOL he just laughed and went and did what I asked. I'm so dramatic sometimes...
Well since I've been sick, my daughter Serena has been my saving grace. She asks me daily if I'm okay, what do I need, or can she help me with anything. I used to tease my husband about his family in Hawaii because whenever we would fly there, Solomon would have major jet lag and his family all hovered him and babied him til he got better. All the while I sat there like "come on suck it up we all have it"...lol. But this past weekend my daughter Serena did that exact thing to me. She hovered me, took care of me and basically nursed me back to health. I am so humbled by her love for me and for the example my husbands family has been to her. I'm grateful that she has learned from him and his family. There example of love to the sick and needy is something I will look at differently now. My family is loving, but not too affectionate and that is just how we were raised. But I understand why the Lord has sent Solomon to me and gave Serena to me as my oldest. Every time I have gone out of my house to visit family, she has been with me. I feel protected when she is with me. It sounds weird, because she is such a wimp at times, but she is so strong when I am weak. She feeds me, massages my feet, takes care of the kids for me and even put the nix in my hair for me. lol
My unborn baby is blessed to be born to goodly parents, but most especially to be born as a sibling to Serena. I love this girl and I am honored to be her mother! Thank you Serena for loving mommy during this pregnancy.

Young Woman.

I can't say enough about my wonderful young woman. I felt kind of incompetent when I was first called and I often wondered why I was given the calling. But I know now, after 2 years, that I was called to learn from these sweet, loving daughters of God. They have taught me to be patient, kind, understanding, and knowledgeable in every aspect of my life, especially in my relationships with my own daughters.
I have not been feeling well these past couple weeks and my young woman did the sweetest thing, they brought me jello and pani popo (sweet rolls in coconut sauce). And then my visiting teachers brought me a plate of homemade brownies. This all happened within 10 hours. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude. I cried tears of joy knowing that my young woman really care for me and thought of me enough to bring me treats. I am humbled by the messages they left for me on face book and the hugs that were given to me at church today. They are so excited for me and my pregnancy and are very supportive also. It amazes me to see the growth in them throughout these past couple of years. I am honored to be a part of their lives and pray that they continue to shine in all aspects of their young womanhood. The 2012 YW theme this year is “Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations” (Doctrine and Covenants 115:5). My young woman have set that standard for 2012, beautifully!

Baby #6

Yay, baby #6 is on his/her way. Its sad to say, but I really hope I have a boy. I have 4 girls and 1 boy and to have a brother for my son would be a dream come true. So pray for me please...lol. I tell everyone I'll cry no matter if I have a boy or girl because I'd be crying tears of joy for a boy and sadness for a girl. LOL j/k This is going to be my last child and it kind of saddens me to think that "I'm done." I wonder often if there are others waiting to join my family, like in Saturdays Warrior, but I haven't felt an intense feeling or want to continue to have more after this one. I have come to a sense of peace that 6 is the number that I can handle and that can handle me. lol I'm grateful to have had all my children and pray that I can lead and guide them the way our Father in Heaven needs me to. Here's to baby #6! Love you no matter if you're a boy or girl :)

Just DO it!

So I've made it my goal to try and blog at least a couple of times a week. I need to keep track of my children's steps in life, the good and the bad. I have learned a lot from reading other people's blogs that things happen and I just need to deal with it and move on. I think that is what has stopped me from blogging in the past was the not so good times, but I'm over that now. I will be 33(OMGoodness) in less than a month and what have I done with my life??? I really don't remember, because I don't stop to think about it. I NEED to. I need to take a step back sometimes and re-evaluate my life experiences and my dreams. I need to stop and listen to my children, even when they are all speaking to me at the same time. I need to appreciate my husband more, even when he's gone all day. I need to take care of my health, because there is only one ME! So that is what I will be doing this year. Learning and growing. Listening and doing. It's so simple to write, but very difficult to do. So 2012...my word for the year is "DO" and my motto is "Just DO it!" Here I come!!!