13 years old.

I remember thinking as I was raising Serena that I do not want her to be a teenager. I wasn't a bad teenager, but I just knew that the innocent years would sort of end once she hit 13. And thus my thoughts are true. She is no longer the cute, spunky, down to earth girl she used to be. Serena is now a beautiful, opinionated, second guesses herself young woman. Do I accept that that is all she will be throughout her teenage years? No, I have to learn to accept that things change in life, as will she. We evolve as people, therefore we must evolve as parents and children. This concept/fact is hard for me to accept. I struggled to let Serena grow up this past year. I did not want to let go of my baby girl. She is my oldest child and you would think that I would have treated her as such, but I didn't to a degree. I did expect her to help me with my younger children, but I didn't let her go beyond that. I sheltered her from anything evil, any difficult challenge I defended her and I basically did not let her experience what "normal" children should experience. I have never let her walk home from school, I never let her stay after school alone for any reason at all (she had to be with a friend at all times), I have never let her ride the bus alone or even walk anywhere without someone or something (cell phone) with her. To some this would show that I was being a protective/good mother. But in essence I hindered her from finding who she is and what she has the potential to do. I believe in the quote, "When you know better, you do better." Serena is my oldest child. I had her when I was a child. So really I didn't know any better. I have come to understand through her small rebellion that she wants/needs freedom from me and that is why I, as well as Solomon have struggled with her this past year. She is a wonderful child of God. She is my test baby per say. I am testing my knowledge as a mother with her as she is testing her freedom to choose as a child with me. So now what? Do I completely let go and try to make up for time lost, or do I slowly let go of the rope a little at a time? I'm trying to figure that out. I want her to be all that she can be, with boundaries that is. I love this girl with all that I am and would do anything for her, but I can't. I have to let her grow and experience it on her own. Oh, its so hard! I wish the world was a better place for me to parent in, but it isn't. I have to have faith and trust in her that she can withstand the winds of time and I need to accept the choices that she makes. Serena my prayer for you is that you continue to hold strong to your faith. I pray that you never lose sight of your purpose here on earth and and that you REMEMBER who you are. You are a daughter of God who loves you as much as I love you. You were sent to this earth to teach us as parents to trust and have patience in all that we do with you as well as your siblings. You are a beautiful young woman and I pray that you always remember that. I am honored to be your mother and I accept the challenges that lay before me to bring you back to our Heavenly Father. I leave this prayer with you filled with all my love. Happy 13th birthday. Mommy loves you!!

My valentine!

HAPPY VALENTINES TO MY QUITE PERFECT MAN! LOVE YOU DEAR!!

Teaching, no greater call.

I have been spiritually edified this weekend. I had the privilege to watch the World Wide Leadership Training video and to attend a class on Teacher training. I have come to understand that we are instruments in Gods hands and that we are not expected to know everything we are assigned to teach. We are to turn to the Savior in all things and he will lead and guide us in the right direction. It was brought to my attention that words play a huge part of teaching. You could us too many words and then lose your audience or you could use to little words and leave your audience wondering what was the purpose of your lesson.
I remember when I was first called into Young Woman's almost 3 years ago(I can't believe it's been that long). But I had not had a calling for 2 years before that and the calling I did have was a primary teacher for the 7 year old class. So to be put into a presidency where I had to teach monthly, sometimes twice a month was overwhelming for me. I was literally terrified! I distinctly remember teaching for the first time and shaking during the whole lesson. Not because I wasn't prepared, but because I was afraid of judgement from my peers. The young woman I know had their own thoughts about me as a teacher, but I was only worried about what the other leaders thought of me. A couple of months went by and I realized that I was preparing my lessons with the leaders in mind and not my young woman. I began to pray and ask the Lord to help me to reach my young woman with my teaching. I was then taken back to my thoughts in Relief Society and who I liked as a teacher and how they taught. I remembered a leader, Lynette, she taught a lesson more as a discussion rather than a lecture and I remember loving that way of learning. I began teaching in this way and the girls began to open up to me. They sat up when I would speak and even were excited to join in the discussion. Even the leaders loved it.
I am grateful to be an instrument in the Lords hands and to have Him lead and guide me in a way that I could bring His daughters back to his fold. I love this gospel and pray that I can continue to be a light as a teacher to the youth as well as to my family. I know that if I teach with love, love is what I will receive in return. Teaching, there is no greater call!

Frustrated!

For the past two months of my pregnancy, I've been so sick. Not sick, like morning sickness, but just sick to my stomach ALL DAY. This is the hardest pregnancy I've had. Last month all I could eat was red meat. It was so disgusting. I had to eat steak, hamburger and spam all day. If I didn't do that, I got so weak, that I had to stay in bed all day. At first this wasn't easy. It took me a couple of weeks to figure out that all my baby wanted was meat. I felt like Bella from Twilight. Where her baby only wanted blood. That is basically what I was smelling when I ate the red meat. Now the smell of the blood makes me sick and I can only eat chicken. Oh, this is so frustrating for me! I kind of wish that I just had morning sickness and then be good for the rest of the day, because trying to figure out what my baby needs is so confusing and I'm left either weak in bed or nauseated all day. I'm going on twelve weeks and it seems that this confusion is going to last my whole pregnancy. Not to mention the enormous weight gain I've had. I think I've gained at least 10-15 pounds in two months. I can eat 3 cheeseburgers in one sitting and then 10 minutes later, my stomach will be growling for more. If I don't eat something, I get so weak I have to be in bed. FRUSTRATION and CONFUSION are all I've been feeling these past two months and I hate it. I know that after I have this baby I will most likely be around 250lbs. I wasn't super skinny to start with and at the rate I'm eating I won't be for a looooong time. Uggghhh being sick sucks! I just needed to vent. Pray for me please that this too shall pass...lol!!

Another year older!

Another year older and wiser! I am 33 years old today. Can you believe that? Wait can I believe that? I am always excited for my birthday, not because I get any special treatment, but because I feel special on that day. I ask myself, does my mom remember how she felt when I was born, what did I do this year to earn another year of life, am I contributing to my society, church, family and friends? What can I do better this next year. I look at a year from my birthday to the next, not "New Years." I also make my goals according to birthday. Have you ever wondered about your birthday or is it just me? I'm going to try something new this year. I'm going to list 33 things that I am thankful for and/or wish to accomplish this year...here I go...

1. The Lords hands in all I do
2. My husband Solomon for his love and support
3. My goal is to love and appreciate my husband more
4. My mom for bringing me into a wonderful family
5. My dad for always being so supportive
6. My goal is to spend more quality time with my parents and to be there for them.
7. My daughter Serena for her example
8. My daughter Jasmine for her zest for life
9. My son Junior for the fight he has in him living with girls...lol
10. My daughter Ebony for her independence
11. My daughter Gabriella for her confidence
12. My unborn child for his/her choice to be with me
13. My goal is to be a better homemaker to my children and to teach them well
14. The calling which I hold so dear to my heart
15. The young woman in my ward who just need to be loved and listened too
16. My goal is to really be there for my young woman in mind, body and spirit
17. The wonderful presidency I work with
18. My goal is to be a better counselor to them and to uphold my calling
19. My sister Sulieta for her free spirit
20. My brother Ifalame Jr for his unselfish giving
21. My sister Dianna for her wonderful sense of humor
21. My brother Toa for his sensitive heart
22. My sister Julina for her go-getter attitude
23. My brother Mykel for his great example of a father
24. My goal is to be more supportive to my siblings and to be more open to change
25. All of my nieces and nephews for the unconditional love and respect they give me
26. My goal is to be more laid back with them this summer and just have fun
27. My bishopric for the support they have given my family and the prayers as well
28. My goal is to be a full tithe payer and to return to the temple soon
29. My body for withstanding so many years of abuse and still be strong
30. My goal for this birthday year is to take care of me "Just do it!"
31. The home I live in, the car I drive and the things that make life easier
32. My goal is to take pride in what I have so that it can last for many years
33. My membership in the greatest, truest church on earth, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! For this my life has purpose!

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear Marcia. Happy birthday to me!! Here's to another year! Thank you for the blessing! Thank you.

"You is kind, you is smart, you is important."

I LOVE the movie The Help! I want to buy it for myself when I get some extra cash...lol. But this movie has made me realize how blessed I am to be living during this generation. I feel that the Lord put certain people on this earth at certain times due to their strengths and personalities. I often wonder if polynesians or mexicans were put through the kind of racism that the african/black americans were put through, would there still be an America. We have really bad tempers and I don't think we would be able to follow the laws of the land at that time like black people did, honestly.
I've been thinking a lot about this movie because I teach all the young woman next month. And being that it is the month of "LOVE" I wanted to find something that not only related to love, but to loving themselves. We as woman tend to judge ourselves and eachother negatively. Society tells us that its what men want, but the truth is, it's what woman "think" that men want. I want to teach my young woman not to worry or care about what others feel or think about them, but to say to themselves daily, "You are kind, you are smart, you are important." Repetition is key. If you continually tell yourself that you are ugly and fat, then you start to believe that that is what you are. But if you tell yourself the opposite, you are beautiful and healthy then that is what you will be.
I pray that my young woman learn from what I teach and that I will have the spirit with me to be able to reach them. It's interesting because I feel that every time I teach a lesson, its something that I need to learn from. I'm grateful for the power of prayer and for the Lords answers in His due time.

Why she is my oldest.

I've been pretty sick these past couple weeks with this pregnancy and it's completely different than my other pregnancies. I can't figure out what I want to eat and when I think I might like something, my body doesn't accept it. I have been throwing up, gagging, starving and having major headaches due to all this confusion that my body is going through. I continually tell myself, " I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." Because, hello, I have 5 children I do know its worth it, but that still doesn't make the sickness go away.
This past weekend has been especially hard for me. I found nits in one of my girls hair and then paranoia hit and I had to shampoo every one's hair and had Sol take all the bedding to the laundry mat to get them cleaned. Then I sat for 7 hours and picked every nit and/or dandruff out of all 4 of my daughters hair. I was starving, uncomfortable, sick to my stomach from the rush of things and just plain exhausted when it was all done. I literally started throwing up afterwards and couldn't even stand. I know it was my fault for not taking breaks between each of my daughters, but if you know me, once I start something, I can't stop. My body let me know immediately when I did stop that it wasn't happy with me.
I can't say enough about my husband. He was such a trooper. He took all the bedding and cleaned it with my son. ( who hated the whole day because all we had to do was cut his hair and then he had to be the slave...lol) Sol then came home and helped me pick out nits, cooked dinner, cleaned the house and then went to the kids basketball game. My body wouldn't take the chicken he cooked, so he then went out and got me pizza. (Crazy I know because soy chicken is my favorite and I can't eat chicken with this baby) He was such a sweetheart and didn't complain once. Well I actually said to him, "you did this to me," when I was crying that I was hungry. LOL he just laughed and went and did what I asked. I'm so dramatic sometimes...
Well since I've been sick, my daughter Serena has been my saving grace. She asks me daily if I'm okay, what do I need, or can she help me with anything. I used to tease my husband about his family in Hawaii because whenever we would fly there, Solomon would have major jet lag and his family all hovered him and babied him til he got better. All the while I sat there like "come on suck it up we all have it"...lol. But this past weekend my daughter Serena did that exact thing to me. She hovered me, took care of me and basically nursed me back to health. I am so humbled by her love for me and for the example my husbands family has been to her. I'm grateful that she has learned from him and his family. There example of love to the sick and needy is something I will look at differently now. My family is loving, but not too affectionate and that is just how we were raised. But I understand why the Lord has sent Solomon to me and gave Serena to me as my oldest. Every time I have gone out of my house to visit family, she has been with me. I feel protected when she is with me. It sounds weird, because she is such a wimp at times, but she is so strong when I am weak. She feeds me, massages my feet, takes care of the kids for me and even put the nix in my hair for me. lol
My unborn baby is blessed to be born to goodly parents, but most especially to be born as a sibling to Serena. I love this girl and I am honored to be her mother! Thank you Serena for loving mommy during this pregnancy.